It's 2018! Aaaaand I've decided to put my laptop on my lap to type away on here for the first time in a while. I didn't post anything for the last while because I was working 15 hour days, coming home to find zero motivation to kick my ass at a workout, or even to clean my apartment.

I am going to give the blogging another shot, but I think I need to find MY kind of thing. I know I want to work hard at my instagram, so I think the two will eventually go hand in hand.

2017 was a hard year for me. I went through a lot with my anxiety, friendships and finding confidence in myself. I'm still growing, still forever working at anxiety, finding the work/life balance, and also finding time to do something for myself aside from binge watching the latest Netflix series, ha!

2018 will be good to me, I can feel it. End of 2017 was good to me too, so I've got a very positive outlook right now.

I spoke to one of my closest friends about this a month ago, saying how my mental health is crazy good when I am working out 4 days a week and focusing on ME, so I'm going to do that again. I started back at it in December, and going back into it full force once again. I fell off the band wagon back in September when I started a different position, but I am good to go for this year.

"I want a thigh gap." "I want to have a round ass." "I want a bikini body."
Those are all things I've heard girls say in the past, and I have something like that too but except mine goes a little something like this: "I want to feel healthy and fit for myself."

I don't need a thigh gap, I don't need a perkier ass than I already have (I have a large Italian bootay), and if I wanted a bikini body, I'll wear a damn bikini. Who said I had to be "skinny" to wear one?
I decided to workout and eat healthier for myself. Not to loose the weight, but to tone myself up and make my body stronger. I lack the most common muscles to be honest. I am not a strong physical person, and I wanted to change that. I started telling people I was eating healthier and getting an active fitness routine, and they all said "Oh, wow that's great! How much weight do you want to lose?" Or, "What's your weight goal?"
Honestly, I don't even freakin' know! I do not have a weight goal. My goal is for my BODY to feel healthy and strong. That's what I want.

And I'm not saying to girls that want to be "skinner" (whatever that is) that they shouldn't have a weight goal, because sure, that's great. But when I hear "I want a bikini body," it throws me off because no one ever decided that there had to be a specific body type to wear a bikini. Sure, I don't have one, but that's only because I didn't find any that I liked. If I had one, I would wear it. And bam, hello bikini body.

I don't know where this post was going, but I just wanted to say that if you are losing weight or trying to be healthier, that's great! Just think of it as making your body stronger and healthier, and not skinny because I think even smaller framed people hate that term. I know a few very small people and when others say "I want to be skinny," they all say "but why?" Some smaller people struggle with muscle gain or weight gain, and to those, I wish you the best of luck for getting to when you personally feel healthy and stronger.  Wow, I probably totally rambled and made no sense. So I will end it here!

I say good luck to everyone who is enjoying a healthier lifestyle, and remember, change for YOU, not because of other people. You are the most important thing, and you should treat your body as if you are proud of it. We only have one body, so enjoy it. Don't wish you had someone else's body because we are all built differently. Just be a strong, healthy version of yourself, and smile. Smile because you are all beautiful.

Have a great day!

Toodle- doo!

Jena

Or something like that. I was watching Becca Rose's video on her bucket list, and it got me thinking about the things I wanted to do too, so I thought I'd be a little rebel and blog again!

1. Blog more
    → I want to blog more often, such as today where I blogged yesterday and today. Regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, I want to try to blog at least three to four times a week, if possible. The posts may not be all beauty, maybe some more personal things and what not, but I'm going to try my hardest!
2. Stay Happy!
    → This one is a big one for me. 2013 was a great year for me. I met my wonderful, adorable boyfriend and my best friend and I became even more closer than I could even think about. I stayed pretty happy throughout that year, and I want to continue with it. Being happy is one of the most important things to me, and even people that I've meet a few times say that they remember me being so cheerful. 
3. Eat CORRECTLY
    → This is on almost everyone's new years resolutions, but I do eat pretty well, it's just the way I eat. I just need to slow down while eating and add a few more veggie alternatives to my grocery lists and then I'll feel a little bit better. I'm not the type of girl to just drop all meats and really bad fats; heck no! I love food too much, however, I don't eat red meat too often, so I don't feel so bad about eating it when I do. My family always eats lots of healthy grains and veggies, but as Italians, we do like our pasta - whoops! 
4. Get a job after school
    → I'm currently in school for Early Childhood Education, and I start my practicum in one month exactly to the day, and I want to have a job (which is pretty much guaranteed with my current childcare job) and I hope that I do really well with it and that nothing goes too wrong.
5. Anxiety
    → If you know me and you're reading this, you will know I have pretty bad anxiety. Last year, it got to the point a few times where I would be out with my girl-friends and suddenly I'd have a panic attack for no reason. I just would feel crammed where I was and I didn't want to talk to anyone and I just wanted to go home. I have bad travel anxiety for timing and what not, so I just want to work on that and staying more positive when I feel like my anxiety may kick in.
6. Go travel!
    → I have some friends that live in Calgary, so this summer I want to go to see them so badly. One of my best childhood friends lives there and I miss her dearly, I haven't seen her in two years and her and her family mean so much to me. I wish I had more money to travel even further, but I don't, not yet at least. I want for Christmas next year, to be able to get myself a trip to the UK or anything like that. 
7. Love myself
    → I'm so not good at this last bit. I used to beat myself up on a regular basis for how I looked and my shape, but I've realized that there's nothing I can do about how my body is shaped; so what I have big hips! Screw you media! I'm going to have big hips and flaunt them in your faces! Having my best friend around and my boyfriend has definitely helped me to love myself a little bit more, knowing that I have people who care about me around.
8. YOUTUBE!
    → I want to make more videos!! I want to get a new light, or just a good spot for filming and I want just a little more confidence when filming. I hope that it'll work out, but that's one of my goals for this year. I love it when I do film, so I'll get there ;)
9. Move out!
    → Last year I moved back in with my family when I started school, but the deal was for me to move out in 2014 the summer of, so I plan to do so. And an IKEA trip is a MUST! I am so excited for that, to pick out things for organizing a new place and just having everything how I want them. I do want to move in with a special someone, but it all depends what happens with job opportunities after he's done school this year as well.
10. Finally- Learn something new every day
     → Whether it be a fact, or like how I learnt how to use my loom, or learn how to film differently or just anything, I want to learn something new daily and write it in a journal.